Mitzi
Mitzi
Mitzi's main talents are in the area of being soft and fuzzy. Otherwise, she's
managed to attain the feline ideal of complete uselessness as an organic being.
She eats food, uses a litterbox which must be cleaned periodically, and most
important of all: takes up space. She has a sweet, gentle disposition (except
when her tail is messed with) and will reward anyone patient enough to finally
gain her trust by constantly attempting to slither into their lap. No good deed
shall go unpunished.
Mitzi's Fact Sheet:
Nickname: Fluffball.(***)
Main activity: Lying there staring back at you.
Pet Peeve: Stupid $#&^%! kittens who jump on her tail.
Favorite Sport: Kitten handball.
Photo Album:
...staring back at you...
Mitzi could be gainfully employed as a doorstop as long as you needed one
on your lap.
*** - Mitzi is a major producer of cat hair. In fact, it's been established that
her annual output of cat hair eclipses the production of over 30 major
textile-producing nations. (See exhibits A and B below.)
Exhibit A - Sample of Mitzi's Cat Hair Output
| Rank # | Country | Annual Output
(metric tons) |
|---|
| 1 | United States | 3,545 |
| 2 | China | 2,218 |
| 3 | France | 1,744 |
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| 11 | Greece | 451 |
| 12 | Mitzi | 437 |
| 13 | Czech Republic | 422 |
| 14 | Egypt | 380 |
| 15 | New Zealand | 372 |
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| 47 | Thailand | 27 |
| 48 | Luxembourg | 19 |
| - | (all others combined) | 32 |
Exhibit B - Annual Cat Hair Production (Source: imaginary)
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Maniac
Maniac
Maniac is constantly in motion. Like an unseen gas, he is everywhere and nowhere:
exploring the bottom shelf of the dishwasher, hiding underneath a loose blanket,
jumping on Mitzi's tail (with consequent punishment), playing with any dangling item
he can find, 'helping' you read the newspaper - just everywhere. He is an affectionate
kitten (a 'purrbox', in my sister's lexicon) and will signal his willingness to be
picked up by slowing down enough for you to catch up to him and scoop him up - in
which case he will be purring by the time he reaches your chest.
Maniac's Fact Sheet:
Nickname: Coffeespot. (+++)
Main activity: Exploring absolutely everything.
Pet Peeve: Closed cabinet doors.
Favorite Sport: Jumping on the biggest, fluffiest tail he can find. (And anything
that looks like it might be a big toe underneath the covers. Big toes MUST
be annihilated!!!)
Photo Album:
He is everywhere and nowhere.
Conquest of the box thing.
'Excuse me! Someone seems to have accidently left this door shut! How's a kitty supposed
to explore?!?'
+++ - The name comes from an uncharacteristically mean-spirited remark from my close
friend and ex-roommate Susan who suggested the markings in his fur were 'protective
coloration'. My response was to speculate that a more appropriate name for him might
have been 'Coffee Spot'.
Blending into the background?
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