Life Discovered on Mars!


Jan 11, 2004


JPL Spokesman Donald Savage reported today that the Mars Rover "Spirit" had taken the first photograph of life on another planet.  The photograph, unveiled at today's daily press briefing, stunned the audience of reporters and scientists.  "We are not alone" proclaimed Savage as he opened the briefing.  The lifeform was photographed by the "Pan-Cam", a stereoscopic camera set atop the mast of the rover.  He described the life-form as a "sort of floppy eared, dog-headed, armored rabbit".  NASA scientists have started referring to it as the "Armored Bunnydog".  In the photograph, the animal appears to be shuffling martian soil with its hind legs.  Savage theorized that it is perhaps burying droppings.  The creature only appeared in one frame of photographs taken by the Pan-Cam.  It's whereabouts are currently unknown.


The Martian Armored Bunnydog


In a related development, JPL announced that plans for egress of the rover from its pedestal have been forestalled.  "The Bunnydog appears to be burying its droppings right across our egress path" said engineering director Lou Voltaire.  "We don't want to risk driving over alien droppings; we may be brave but we aren't stupid."  JPL is running out of options for egress paths for its rover.  Voltaire said that one option is the "Swan Dive Manuver", but he didn't elaborate.

The White House announced plans to establish a telephone hookup to the Spirit rover sometime in the next few days.  "This is a historic moment, and the President wishes to extend his wishes of peace and goodwill to our first extra-terrestrial contact at the earliest possible moment" said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer.  When asked if the White House had indications that the Bunnydog understood English, Fleischer replied "No, but neither does the President.  They should get along fine."