Kacie,

I thought and thought about what I was going to say to you in this
letter. What could I say that I haven't said before? Then, it hit me --
I'd write you a song! The words seemed to flow like wine. Or maybe that
was the beer I'd drank a while ago and seemed to flow through me like
wine? At any rate, here it is, a country and western song I just made
up. I've got a tune in my head, it goes something like - da Da da Da da
da Da. Well, here goes:

I love you baby like a shark loves blood.
I love you baby like a pig loves mud.
I'm content like a cow chewing its cud.
Yore Bugs to my Elmer Fudd.
My love is real, baby, it ain't no dud.

Your hair is long and it ain't curly.
Your teeth are straight and they's all pearly.
You can be nice and you can be surly.
Some folks say yore nasty when you get up early.
All I know's that you's my girly.

Your eyes are blue when they ain't red.
In the morning yore mean til you get fed.
You do yore chores like you druther be dead.
I ain't complainin', I'm crowin' instead.
So git downstairs and make me some eggs.

I love you baby like a beetle loves dung.
Your love has hit me like a bee has stung.
My head is achin' 'cause my bell you have rung.
To the deepest pits I druther be flung
Than be without the gifts yore love has brung. 

Yore hair is blond even at the roots.
It smells like a daisy and never pollutes. 
Yore feet are fit for a pair of rattlesnake boots.
Yore voice is sweet as a barn owl hoots.
When you come near my computer reboots.

I love you honey like a flea loves a dog.
Yore skin is pink like the hide of a hog.
When I'm with you my mind is in a fog.
Drool drips down my chin, my eyes are all agog,
I kin run to you baby, but I druther jog.

So if yore blue I hope this gives you cheer.
Yore better than whiskey, yore better than beer.
Yore better than tobaccy, you have naught to fear.
You get me goin', put my tractor in gear,
I'll do the pedals, and you can steer.