Gay Hand Signals Guide
I was discussing the news with a friend recently.
“Poor Idaho Senator Larry Craig; he allegedly tried to pick up a law enforcement officer in an airport restroom! I had no idea that tapping your foot was a signal for action. And all of those other hand signals: Is there a web site where one can go to find out all of these signals? It used to be rest stops where they went to rendezvous, now it appears to be airport restrooms. That is kind of gross, signaling for a liaison while you're sitting on the john. Don't they have singles bars where these people can go? “
Given what’s been happening to the good Senator lately, I started wondering about these gay hand signals that he was allegedly using. These are reportedly “well-known” signals that gays use to propose liaisons to each other in an airport bathroom. They may be well-known to a few, but not all. How do they know what the signal is? Do they have a convention, like the Shriner’s convention, where they all do the secret handshake? And what is it about Idaho, for cripes sake? Has Boise become the gay playground of the midwest?
Now, if you’re like me, you don’t want to be sitting there, taking a shit, rocking out to your iPod, tapping out the rhythm with your foot, and unknowingly making an indecent proposal to the undercover cop in the stall next to you. So I did some research. Just in case you folks out there want to avoid any misunderstandings and possible jail time. Just as a public service.
Our first illustration is the classic introductory hand signal:
This is used by the instigator to indicate that “he is a horny dude and wants to get it on”. He lets his fingers do the walking just below the partition separating his stall from that of his intended partner.
Our next example is used by the responder, should he decide to accept the instigator’s advances:
It helps if you have a long thumb, although there are many who say “size doesn’t matter”.
Now the couple gets down to negotiating the mechanics of the encounter:
Here, there appears to be complete agreement as to the position that each participant will assume. There is nothing left to do or say except to make a beeline to the nearest cheap motel.
Of course, the following alternate scenario very often plays out:
The solution to this dilemma is fairly obvious and involves a simple 180 degree rotation on one of the party’s part. That is implicitly understood. There is no need for one of the participants to stand on his head in the middle of a stall at Boise International Airport. They will save those kinds of acrobatics for when they arrive at the Motel.
However, should the following be seen:
This indicates a fundamental incompatibility on the part of the participants and it perhaps would be wise for them to finish their business and move on to their respective connecting flights.
A few words to the wise: it helps to know Morse Code when one wishes to interpret the meaning of foot tapping in the stall next to you. It might mean the difference between “please pass some toilet paper, mine’s empty” and “hey good looking, is that a banana in your pants?”
Another helpful hint – If you, as the instigator, give the initial signal, and your potential partner responds by showing you his Idaho State Police badge, then you should realize that you most likely are not going to get laid tonight. You should also make alternate travel plans, say in about 30 days, because you aren’t going to be in a cheap motel tonight. Apparently, not even a U.S. Senator can talk his way out of that one.
I certainly hope that these simple guidelines will prove helpful in your future travel endeavors. Whether your intent is to avoid an uncomfortable situation, or to take a walk on the wild side in Boise, Idaho. At least now you can make an informed choice.