Broadcast Spams
Nothing drives me more batty than getting unsolicited junk mail. Physical junk mail is rotten enough -- it filled mailboxes and dumpsters. Electronic junk mail is even worse to my mind. It's a violation of my mental mailbox, which is like knocking on my forehead and trying to sell me something to steamclean my carpets. A "spammer" in this context is any marketeer who dares to send me unsolicited broadcast emails in the hope that I'll be a "hot prospect" or a "lead" on his misguided cold-calling mission from Mephistopheles.
However, people can be spammers by not realizing what they're doing and copying the wrong alias too. For them, I usually cut a bit of slack and just hit "delete". But for the folks who do it on purpose, I show indignance and ruthless ill humor. [Evil grin!]
Narrowcast Spams
There is another type of net cretin who is even worse than the "silicon snakeoil salesmen", and that's the abusers of people's psyches, whether in abusive posts, emails, or chat groups. These folks are wretched, and their attempts to bring others down to their level do quite often suck any humor out of an otherwise pleasant diversion on the Internet. They can be the kind of person who shouts out "Who's female and horny?" in all caps, in the middle of a discussion about politics, or someone who otherwise thinks they were born to be the center of (your) attention.
To these and all other type of net-barbarians, I have prepared the following statement. I often give a copy to female friends who want to notify pawing Letharios that the Internet falls just as much under the jurisdiction of civil and criminal law as the neighborhood tavern.
Responding to Spams
Well, without further ado, here's my response to interlopers on my happiness:
To whom it may concern: Please immediately cease and desist from sending unwarranted and unsolicited messages. Failure to do so can and will be treated as personal harrassment using a telecommunications device, a Federal felony punishable by fine or imprisonment, or both, as specified within the Telecommunications Act of 1996.[Insert the following paragraph if this is a commercial solicitation]
As well, any scheme "used to obtain money or anything of value from a victim by offering a product, service, or investment opportunity that does not live up to its claims" (such as Ponzi schemes or other activities which may be ruled as criminal behaviours), may be illegal, and if ruled so is subject to the False Representation Statute and Mail Fraud Statute. If need be, I will appeal to the Postal Inspection Service to obtain a False Representation Order (FRO), Temporary Restraining Order (TRO), or any other legal vehicles necessary to prevent further harrassment and unwarranted solicitations from your firm and/or any firms affiliated or represented within the solicitation below.[Insert the following paragraph if this is a personal harrassment]
Personal harrassment is defined formally as (but not limited to) any situation in which a person "by means of telecommunications device knowingly (i) makes, creates, or solicits, and (ii) initiates the transmission of, any comment, request, suggestion, proposal, image, or other communication which is obscene, lewd, lascivious, filthy, or indecent, with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass another person". The violator of this law, if found guilty, is subject to fines up to $100,000 or imprisonment for up to two years, or both.[Finish the letter with a general claim of your rights and actions. If necessary, state you are making copies to the FCC, Postal Service, government or online service representatives or other ombudspersons. I send my messages to the FCC to "fccinfo@fcc.gov" and to the US Postal Service, for now, at "customer@email.usps.gov". Neither of these addresses has ever responded, but this might change if enough consumer demand warrants special addresses set up for handling complaints of spams or harrassment. I also cite the online law references, so people can read the skinny for themselves.]
In addition, I reserve the right to sue for the right of disclosure as to the method used to obtain my specific electronic mail address, as well as for personal damages for harrassment and invasion of privacy. Your electronic mail has been stored for necessary evidence in a Court of Law. References: "Telecommunications Act of 1996", S.652, Title IV, Section 402; amendment to Communications Act of 1934, 47 U.S.C. 223; see http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/4?c104:./temp/~c1040ykd:e210111:telecommunications+reform+act). "Mail Fraud Statute" Title 18, United States Code, Section 1341; see http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/18/1341.html "False Representation Statute", Title 39, United States Code, Section 3005 http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/39/3005.html Sincerely, -Peter Corless. Sincerely, -Peter Corless.
For interpersonal harrassment, I usually just drop off the line about the method used to obtain the email address (if its obvious) and found it works just as effectively. I've also found it more effective for someone other than the harrassed person to send it to the harrasser. Usually a sysadmin, forum administrator, or just a friend can be recruited. Somehow, it lets the harrasser know someone else (usually in an "official" capacity) is aware of their activities. Psychologically, it now becomes a two-on-one against the psychic bully, and they don't like the feeling at all! A few nasty barbs as a closing shot, but watch -- away they go!
Other things to do:
By the way: There is even a product to hit back at people who spam you:
Hopeful Words
Even though I do present some quite serious stuff above, I can say I haven't had to use anything too serious to get people to remember their mother's childhood admonitions to "play nice!" Most folks on the Internet are just looking to see how far they can push your boundaries. Once clearly established, most folks back off. Some even -- *gasp*! -- apologize for their rude behavior! Regardless, they haven't been able to spoil the party yet for me.
The Internet, email, and the Web are great new communications media. Let's not muck them up folks. ;-)
-Pete.