October 2007

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 29 Oct 2007 12:39 pm

There is a concept in computer science of something called a ‘No Operation’. The simple idea is for a system to not change “state” when it receives a NOP instruction.

If you think of humans as a system where things that happen in life, relationships, birth, death, love, heartbreak whatever are all a source of sending you instructions through your own feelings of joy, pain, sadness, whatever, then something that I read recently makes a lot of sense. It was a quote, but not in the exact words, it meant something like “humans are the only beings that feel happy or sad because they think they can tell the difference between how things are and how things are supposed to be”.

I like the thought and it makes me wish for something. Right now I really want a NOP on my feelings. I don’t want to feel happy or sad or anything right now…maybe for a few days..maybe for a few months. I am just tired of these instructions and my system needs a reboot.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 27 Oct 2007 09:32 pm

I have felt this before, however never as much as right this moment in my life. I really wish my life was accessible with DVR capabilities. To being with, I just want a damn pause button. Thats it, just a simple pause button so that without having life get past me, I could take a moment, breathe, maybe get some water and fresh air and then come back to it in a bit.

Its not that things are moving too fast or I cannot keep up. I just am tired and I need a breather. Life doesn’t give you that option and not when you have responsibilities, relationships and are just a human being.

I guess having the ability to rewind life would be nice too. Things happen, you say things and you move on. Now I don’t want to go back and change things….that would be asking for too much (sarcasm…really?). I just wish I could go back and look at why and how life happens. It can only make you a better person, a real person and a sensible person.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 24 Oct 2007 12:11 pm

Very often I wish I could write beautifully. There are all these thoughts that you have in your head and feelings in your heart. Almost everybody does, I would think. But only a few are able to translate that into words when they say things or when they write a song or a poem or maybe just a simple note.

I wish I would have been one of those people. Too many thoughts seem to make sense when felt in my mind and in my heart, but not very often do they make it across to somebody else using whatever medium.

You can probably learn a few tricks through education, but the essence of that skill probably just comes naturally.  Sometimes having to go through difficult times in your own life brings out another aspect to it, but even that doesn’t happen with everyone.

I am just saying…if only I had that ability, maybe I would be able to put my thoughts down into words every few days and where others could read it…….maybe even call it my “unorganized thoughts”.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 16 Oct 2007 02:04 am

I had another realization today, and hence some thoughts regarding that.

Very recently, though fairly often now, I have become aware of the the weight and strength of my own emotions. I used to believe in the ability of my brain to handle my actions all the time and dominate proceedings. However it seems that no matter how practical you are, there is a part of you (the heart maybe?) that controls feelings and drives actions. Its the part that makes you feel the need for companionship, makes you want to do anything just to feel genuine happiness, makes you miss the simple things that you didn’t have to think about before and even took for granted………….

I digress, but what got me thinking today however was the ability that we have to even distract your own heart. It was a simple matter of letting something simple, nice and positive (music in my case today) distract the mind into yielding control from the heart. So after all you do have some control maybe, and the strength of your emotions and feelings can be handled, controlled or treated. Though it is very exhausting and at the end of the day you realize how much it takes out of you.

I don’t know yet, and I am trying really hard to not think too hard about whether doing something like that is a good or a bad thing, temporarily or in the long run……

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 11 Oct 2007 06:51 pm

While growing up, I never ended a school year without the teacher mentioning that “he could do better” at the year-end review with my parents.

I realized today that if there was a year-end review , as a group, we humans would get a “could do better” each and every freaking year! Think about the technology that has made a lot of things much more effective; communication, co-ordination, management,  platform to have your ideas heard, visibility, whatever….this list is endless. So since we have at our disposal all these technologies, shouldn’t we be able to do a WHOLE lot better than a previous generation of humans who did not have such things?

Lets start with poverty and suffering. Can you even for a second, after making as many assumptions as you like, feel that we (as in our generation of human beings, which includes each and every living, breathing individual) did even a tiny bit better than the previous group of people? No FREAKING WAY.

Well, we did get ourselves a gadget that doubles up as a phone and a music player!! Or another one that lets us pause and record live TV!!  Even a way so that I can get a list of all the friends that somebody else knows!!!

I am not an environmentalist or a individual who wants to devote my life to charity or curing cancer, so who am I to judge? I am not judging, but this technological “innovation” called blogging does give me a space where I can vent my disappointment at ALL of US.

If you sense a little bit of anger in my post, you are damn right. And if you didn’t, funny thing this technology, huh? It didn’t even get us to a place where a person can even feel (not just read) what another is saying.  Can do waaaaaaaaay better!!!

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 05 Oct 2007 05:53 pm

I was reading about the property of a system service (computer systems) identified as “Idempotent”. It briefly means that  if the same request is made to this service more than once, it handles such an event by effectively nothing doing anything about it; technically called a NO-OP, as in “no operation”.

That got me thinking about human beings. Maybe it is just my observation, but it seems we are very idempotent individuals. And that property in us can be the source of a lot of suffering and pain when it comes to relationships. Think of how much agony you can give to your loved one without even knowing you are doing so because of your idempotent-ness.

Is it the heart or the mind that makes us such?

If I think in terms of systems, the heart is something that seems state-less where as it is the mind that is state-ful. So your heart which should be pure and clean and good, is in fact the source of something that makes you into a worse person. I always blame the mind and it’s ability to think and remember which in turn makes you manipulative, for being the only thing responsible for what are essentially character flaws in each and every person. But in this case, looks like even a simple heart, unknowingly bit it, is flawed too.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 04 Oct 2007 12:14 pm

There is probably not a more important natural activity that we do in our daily lives other than sleep. There is of course eating, breathing, and other things, but sleeping has a very strong impact on both your physical and mental health.

However, getting sleep itself is under the influence of your mental (and physical) health. Age, location, exhaustion and probably a lot more physical factors affect your ability to sleep. But what I have realized recently is how strongly your mental state influences this.

If you are able to sleep, without only being able to sleep when you fall asleep, consider yourself lucky. Think about when was the last time you were able to sleep when you closed your eyes and not when your eyes closed themselves and you fell asleep. If that was yesterday night, you are fortunate and I hope you stay that way.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 01 Oct 2007 11:12 pm

What makes a person who he/she is? It is the characteristics that you are born with or is it what situations and circumstances you are put under that mold you. I am starting to believe that sure, you are born as an individual, you have a personality and a certain character. But as you grow, live a life, the external factors are too strong to not have a significant impact.

What got me thinking about this is a more interesting question which is how much control do you have over your own character (for the lack of a better word)? Can you mold yourself, your own personality? The first thought is, sure, when you have more control over your own life, which is a little later in your life. But isn’t that already too late? At the point in your life when you have this control, you have probably already been molded and the decisions, actions and thoughts that you have are being driven by who you already are! Its the proverbial “catch 22″ then, isn’t it?

What drives a person to do good things, charitable things, the right things? Also then, what drives a person to do the wrong things, bad things and evil things? It cannot be simply caused by greed, or hunger, or whatever. All your “requirements” can also be met by either of those ways, as long as you have the right character. But you are forced to think in a certain way by your mind or your heart and that is something that has already taken shape