admin on 07 Dec 2007 07:15 pm
These thoughts are going to sound troubling to the extent that you would expect to find my blog/thoughts after something of enormous proportions has happened. But, there is no such cause of concern, hence this disclaimer first.
I was having a conversation with a friend who is smart, who thinks and speaks mostly sensible things. The question I had to answer was, “what do I want or did I always want to accomplish in life before I die?”. I guess the idea is to simply identify what is it that you feel you want to do. Everything else around is it either helping you get there or hindering your progress. And, I am not talking about wishful-thinking goals, just simple desires. Like for example, somebody would consider an accomplished life to be that so that he/she can have a family that makes him/her feel content every time he/she thinks about it consciously. So you get an education, you work, you meet somebody, which are all various tools(?) assisting you in your basic wish. My friend had a few simple goals, taking care of parents, have a family to call his own and a distant third was ability to practice music .
I had to go back, look hard, think about it with a clear mind and still I could not find one or two wishes, desires or just plain hopes. Sure, there has been a subconscious desire to provide for my parents and whatever is family. This has been something I have been aware of all my responsible life. But could these just be things that I look as responsibilities and not as strong wishes?
Why don’t I have strong wishes? Why don’t I have one dream, one desire? What do I want to look at and claim to have had a successful life when its time to take the last breathe? What if I don’t identify anything ever?
Maybe these days it seems I have nothing to look forward to and my thoughts are impure, but there is a risk of never having that clarity ever. Why do I need to know that? It seems that maybe it is the lack of that motivation that is my biggest limitation, and I would really want to change that.