December 2007

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 31 Dec 2007 10:01 pm

….it pours. Wow…I just came up with that, seriously!!! Oh well, since I already wrote the title first, I could not resist.

Moving on, here is a real thought; If you cry when it is raining, do your tears matter? It’s along the lines of, if a tree falls in a forest, and nobody is around, does it make a sound? Actually, I don’t really understand the whole tree-forest-sound thing, but it makes for good writing.

So, why the thought? Maybe because I was thinking about how sadness, as compared to all other emotions is probably the most easily masked. You can fake not-being sad, it is not hard. If having a poker-face involved faking not-being-sad, it probably wouldn’t be a challenge.

There….the title of this blog IS “unorganized thoughts”, and these are pretty much unorganized thoughts, so don’t judge.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 27 Dec 2007 10:27 pm

It helps to have someone. Even if it is painful, even if it is not perfect, even if it hurts a little bit. It is better to have someone.

Maybe it is just you who thinks that. Maybe it actually might not be right for you. Maybe it might not even help you, maybe could even hurt you more. But, is it that black and white to judge that?

Just a thought, just a simple thing to believe in.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 07 Dec 2007 07:15 pm

These thoughts are going to sound troubling to the extent that you would expect to find my blog/thoughts after something of enormous proportions has happened. But, there is no such cause of concern, hence this disclaimer first.

I was having a conversation with a friend who is smart, who thinks and speaks mostly sensible things. The question I had to answer was, “what do I want or did I always want to accomplish in life before I die?”. I guess the idea is to simply identify what is it that you feel you want to do. Everything else around is it either helping you get there or hindering your progress. And, I am not talking about wishful-thinking goals, just simple desires. Like for example, somebody would consider an accomplished life to be that so that he/she can have a family that makes him/her feel content every time he/she thinks about it consciously. So you get an education, you work, you meet somebody, which are all various tools(?) assisting you in your basic wish. My friend had a few simple goals, taking care of parents, have a family to call his own and a distant third was ability to practice music .

I had to go back, look hard, think about it with a clear mind and still I could not find one or two wishes, desires or just plain hopes. Sure, there has been a subconscious desire to provide for my parents and whatever is family. This has been something I have been aware of all my responsible life. But could these just be things that I look as responsibilities and not as strong wishes?

Why don’t I have strong wishes? Why don’t I have one dream, one desire? What do I want to look at and claim to have had a successful life when its time to take the last breathe? What if I don’t identify anything ever?

Maybe these days it seems I have nothing to look forward to and my thoughts are impure, but there is a risk of never having that clarity ever. Why do I need to know that? It seems that maybe it is the lack of that motivation that is my biggest limitation, and I would really want to change that.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 03 Dec 2007 05:08 pm

selfish, manipulating, heartless……

Is the line between being misunderstood and being truly flawed in character that fine? Maybe that can explain why the only person who might have been in a position to understand me, right now  only sees and points out these flaws.

Its either that, or the only other explanation would be in fact my irreparable and invisible flaws. Maybe I am horribly selfish, maybe I am cunningly manipulative, maybe I am cold hearted. But honestly, I should be in a position to know myself to a certain extend, and I know that I am not selfish, I am not manipulative, I am not heartless.

So why then misunderstanding triumphs over clarity, over history, over love, over truth and over right?