February 2008

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 29 Feb 2008 05:42 pm

Ever felt that you are constantly screaming inside and on the outside, the visible part of you, is calm yet still on the brink, and moments away from letting it all out? Thats very close to how I have been feeling over the last few months.

roll down the window
close your eyes
take a deep breath
and scream………

run up the hill
look over the edge
feel the breeze
and scream……..

there is so much i want to say
yet don’t have the words
climb to the top of a building
and scream……..

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 27 Feb 2008 08:41 pm

When you break it down enough, all that it should take to make a relationship work is how many hits can either of you take. You start out in love, build a life together, grow old and eventually die. Thats a long process, its a lifetime in most cases, and thats where the ability to take hits matters.

Sometimes though, no matter how strong you are, how willing you are or how much effort you are willing to put in, the hits break you down. And thats when you need the strength of that relationship to patch up the bruises, so that you can handle a few more the next day. The irony is that what got you there in the first place is the relationship itself…..

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 23 Feb 2008 05:09 pm

This picture is titled “almost drowning”…..just two words and the visual of the picture convey very precise thoughts.

Almost Drowning

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 12 Feb 2008 06:29 pm

I don’t know what got me started thinking about this, but I never looked at things in a relationship this way, at least not consciously….the concept of two that is.

In relationships, its two people, two hearts, two minds and two lives that are actively involved. When things are good, its the strength (twice) of the two that makes things wonderful, special and maybe even happy. But, probably even more important it is to realize that when things are rough and the future starts to look bleak, its those same two people, with two hearts, two minds and two lives that might be strong enough to cause twice more damage and hurt.

Somebody famous once said that a great compromise is when both parties are unhappy. I guess in that sense, most relationships are probably the greatest compromises ever.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 12 Feb 2008 06:13 pm

I grew up admiring unique and funny Channel [V] commercials. This is right up there with the best.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 10 Feb 2008 08:22 pm

Its a polite was of saying hello, its the decent thing to ask when you meet someone, somebody you met fairly recently, or could be after a long time. You might know the other person as a mere acquaintance or as a good friend.

However, over the last several months, I am having an increasingly difficult time coming up with an honest response. The idea, if possible, is to reply with a one or two word response describing as accurately as possible your current state, mentally and physically. Not that I read a survey, but I take the liberty of guessing and would think that an OK, or a “good” or a “not bad” would be 3 out of the top 5 responses.

The thing is that none of those come even close to an appropriate response for me these days and if I don’t want to always feel guilty of lying right after I have met someone, I really need to find a suitable reply.

What I really want to say is something like this: Physically I am doing well. I certainly was in a much better physical shape not that long ago, but lack of motivation and desire to prepare and consume optimal meals and participate in relevant exercises have contributed significantly to the deterioration. However, a “not bad” for that would not be too far from an appropriate response. The mental part is a whole different story. Mentally, I feel like I am in a perpetual recovery from a beating that my mind received the night before when it got jumped by a few thugs in a dark alley. So, probably I could respond with”crap”, but then that is not really what is an acceptable reply, and the person whose simple desire was to say a polite hello and move on to business (in whatever form) doesn’t deserve to have to deal with the details.

I just wish a “no comment” was a socially appropriate response.

unorganized thoughtsadmin on 02 Feb 2008 12:09 am

….you forgive and forget.

But does it really happen? They are just words, that people say and that sound like they make sense and go together. But  forgiveness never happens, and without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.

In the end, you just forget.