Last Day Of The Month

I can't believe it's already the last day of May: where did the time go, for goodness' sake? The last time I looked at the date, it must have been around the 10th of the month. Suddenly, temperatures here are reaching the high twenties (29 degrees celsius today... aaargh!) and summer is coming in. On the up-side, this is a good time to be without a car and have about forty minutes of walking to get to work every day. On the down-side, waking up with a pounding headache and being unable to breathe normally isn't very nice.

Sitting here at home in the cool of my apartment - there's a huge building opposite that blocks most of the direct sunlight and I have high ceilings - I've been working on this archive format as a way to store lots of data on one page (and it's flexible: try changing the window width... oooooooh!). In a way, it's totally useless (who looks back through stuff in that format, anyway?), but it'll be a great tool for me in an admin role: easy to navigate, loads of data on one screen, loads quickly.

Now, if I can just get the alt tags to be the title of the blog entry, I'll be a happy bunny!

Reloading The Matrix

I finally watched The Matrix Reloaded yesterday. There are no spoilers, here, fear not. Obviously, I'd heard an awful lot about the film, both good and bad. Primarily, the reviews seemed split between those who found it disappointing and overly heavy on special effects and those who were 'wowed' by it, much like the first.

To start with, one should accept that this trilogy of films is much like the Star Wars trilogy was for my generation: it's the biggest film-changing event in the lives of this generation, much as the latter was for mine. New ways of seeing things, a new idea, new direction methods and special effects that had never been seen before. Consequently, views are split, much as they were for the latter.

As far as I'm concerned, there are three main parts (in order of importance) to the film: the story, the acting and the effects. The first of these was handled surprisingly well. I remember being a bit miffed at the messianic end to the first film, which led to my apprehension of a 'preachy' story in the second. Let's face it, the whole 'The One' thing appeals mostly to adolescent males who want to believe they could be as important as Neo, wear the shades and coat and do all the funky martial arts.

Thankfully, there aren't a whole load of sermons in the film: I was surprised, to say the least. Particularly with Morphius believing in the 'Prophesy', I'd feared that virtually everything he said would be dramatic, important and overly heavy: it wasn't. His speeches are, obviously, a little heavier than others, but they're well-written, well-balanced and don't make the viewer wish he'd shut up!

The story also fits well into the trilogy: the first film could really have been left as it was, but the continuation makes sense, works well and stitches seamlessly in. Much like The Empire Strikes Back, the second episode leaves the viewer wanting to see the completion and, one could say, is not a story in its own right. This is fine: it's intended to be like that.

Secondly, the acting was good. I have a well-known and public disliking of Keanu Reeves, who I consider to be too boring and forced in most of his serious roles. Surprisingly, again, he was quite acceptable: suspension of disbelief almost achieved and wooden personality almost gone! I may have to re-think my opinions of him if he carries on like this. Unfortunately, I personally found the disappointment in this episode to be Mr Fishburne: I don't really know why, but I found him less imposing and less interesting than in the first. Trinity is, of course, still lovely.

Finally, the special effects. Now, we all know that The Matrix is what might be called effects-heavy. That would, of course, be an understatement! The budget for the effects in Reloaded would probably fund a small country for a decade, there's so many. However - and much respect to the Wachowskis for this - it's all somehow appropriate. Bullet-time is not overused and is still used in context (i.e. when there's a seriously life-threatening situation). That pan-round-while-in-freeze-frame effect is also rarely seen and used to good effect. Slow-motion appears often, but makes sense, much as the lack of camera changes in older Jackie Chan films does.

Of course, there's a whole load of new effects, too. I particularly liked the ghosting and shock-waves: it's only after a moment that one realises the stuff in the background is all affected, as it should be in real life.

All in all, I must admit to enjoying the film immensely: it's a lot better than I had anticipated and makes for a lot of fun. And yes, I admit I was wrong in my pre-viewing assumptions!

Buzzword Bonanza!

I received a wonderful email yesterday that I simply couldn't resist sharing with you all. It's the pinnacle of achievement in the field of management buzzword-vomiting. I was truly impressed. Names have been changed to protect the less-than-innocent:

"This initiative will enable us to formalize activities, drive efficiencies and establish new levels of partnership with our customers, partners and suppliers, as well as extending collaboration activities across [our] global employee base."

WHAT?! After much consideration of the actual subject of the email (a new content management (publication) system for web pages for everyone from customers to business partners to employees), I figured out what it meant:

"This new system will help us manage the web content better, so everyone can profit from it in lots of ways."

Ain't management talk grand?

::This link here:: is for Scary Ross, who should check out the T-shirt in the photos for Kasia's entry. Cool!

The Honest Spammer

I wouldn't have thought it possible, but I actually received an honest spam message yesterday. Of course, the sender got SpamCop'ed.

The weird thing is that I discovered I am incapable of feeling any respect for spammers. I would have thought that, if someone had the guts to openly say they were spamming, I would respect that. However, I don't. These people are still the dregs of society, as you will see from the text of the message. Here goes...

First off, the message starts with the usual disclaimer:

"The reason YOU are recieving the TWICE PER WEEK "CONFIDENTIAL Money Making Newsletter" Because you Opted-In and Subscribed directly with us."

This is, of course, bullshit. I never opt-in to messages, particularly with the email address that this one arrived at. I should also point out at this stage that I'm not even going to start on the grammar, punctuation, spelling and general language difficulties that this slimebag exhibits. Now, where was I? Ah, yes:

"My name is Richard Schuler, I'm a 23 year old Multi-Millionare and I'm inviting you to Learn How to Spam Millions of People Per Day like I do with my Online Pharmacy Business. My Company - [Asshole] Systems - sends OVER 600 MILLION SPAM E-MAILS per day, every single day, through a rapidly growing network of saavy and aggressive worldwide marketing partners. We are directly responsible for up to 70% of the online Viagra and Pharmacy sales on the net today and by far the largest E-Mail Marketing operation of this kind in the world, bar none!"

Now, quite apart form the obvious difficulties Mr Schuler shows in avoiding the caps lock and shift keys on his undoubtedly expensive keyboard, the thing that riles me is the blatant pride he shows in being scum. His company sends over 600 million spam emails per day... that's an awful lot of download time and bandwidth being wasted. That's an awful lot of other people's money being wasted. Anyway, let's move on:

"Why are we so successful?? 1. Because NO ONE can bring us down! And 2. Because we KICK ASS with Our HACKER PROOF and ANTI-SPAMMER PROOF sales websites and because when you get right down to it, PEOPLE ARE LIKE SHEEP, and if the "sheep" get enough e-mail shoved at them, the sheep WILL become customers! It's that simple and it's the key to our success and the prosperity of our partners! We've just kicked off a drive to recruit THOUSANDS of new sales partners and affiliates. Some of our largest Spammers are being paid $55,000 per week! Contact us and JOIN US NOW!"

First off, he's an ass: no web site is hacker-proof or anti-spammer proof. Then there's the big reason there's so many spammers in the world: the unfortunate truth that people are like sheep. If more of us resisted loudly, never replied, forwarded messages to ISPs and used spam-reporting services, Mr Schuler could stick his spamming business where the sun doesn't shine.

That, unfortunately, is what happens when a technology makes its way into everyone's home. When computers were difficult and technical, there was much less spam: now it's cheap and easy, and every mindless idiot on the planet can get online and respond to the pond-scum's adverts.

And who pays? We do.

Doodahs!

Today is Wednesday. Repeat after me: today is Wednesday. It is not Sunday. Nor is it Saturday. You cannot stay in bed until 10 a.m. Today is Wednesday. Sing a little song with those words while you drag yourself out from under the duvet and wonder why you're awake at 6:30. Repeat it out loud as you stub your toe on a door, stagger into the lounge, avoid tripping over the cat and figure out why your skinny butt isn't still buried under various snug covers. Today is Wednesday.

Eventually, I woke up and came in to work, which is a real chore without a car, I have to say: an extra 40 minutes of travel - tripling the time - and most of that is walking... hell, at least I get some more exercise! Surprisingly, I wasn't late. Trouble is, I can't get my arse into gear and the work's piling up on me today. Tomorrow's a public holiday, too, so I don't have any leeway. Ack.

Still, my mind-meanderings have led me to several amusements this morning as I struggle with my lack of work ethic. So here goes - first, a neat little test thingy from Quizilla:

You will be smothered under a rug. You're a little
anti-social, and may want to start gaining new
social skills by making prank phone calls.


What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

Secondly, a rather excellent article on tolerance in a US university that amused me no end.

Thirdly, a belt ranking system for MT (and as for the grammar of "learn yourself"... AAARGH!!):

Finally, I received what can only be termed "an honest spam" this morning: I'll put that in another entry, later, once I've done some work. :)

This Or That Tuesday

1. Do you prefer silence or do you like background sound (music, TV, etc)?
Depends what I'm doing: if I'm playing a game, I leave the music; if I'm doing housework, music is nice; if I'm working, I tend to like it quieter. Of course, all of those can change, dependant on mood.

2. Bathe/shower in morning or evening?
Definitely the morning. I hate leaving the house if I'm still 'unclean'. On the other hand, I will also sometimes bathe of an evening - mostly if I feel like just lying there and soaking in a nice, hot bath. This is particularly true if it's a holiday or if I've been ill for a few days.

3. Sleeping in complete darkness, or with a nightlight on?
Complete darkness (or as close as possible, living in a bright city!). I haven't had a light on in my bedroom since I was very, very young.

4. Lay out clothes the night before, or just grab what's closest in the morning?
Grab what's closest, definitely. I should mention that I don't have to wear smart clothes for work, so I just need jeans and a t-shirt. If I had to wear a shirt and tie, I would probably make sure one was laid out, as such, for the following morning - it not only ensures they're neat, but makes things quicker in the morning.

5. Hang up/fold clothes neatly, or just toss them wherever?
Clean clothes? They stay in the same place they were to dry, until I wear them. Then they get chucked in a big pile, ready for washing.

6. Work out at a gym, or at home on your own (or do you not bother with exercise)?
At home on my own. Gyms are notorious for having a bunch of pretty-boy poseurs who think they own the world, hogging all the equipment. Here in France, it's even worse: they all stand in front of the mirrors and pose. How sad is that? Anyway, I prefer to work out at home, where I don't have to deal with all the idiots.

7. Talk on the phone, or via IM/e-mail?
Email and messengers, definitely. I despise phones. This is probably due to Psycho telephoning me virtually every hour and going on and on and on and on and on and on...

8. Are you usually on time, or late?
On time, unless I'm going somewhere with Psycho: she'll make us late, inevitably. She's incapable of being on time.

9. Spendthrift or frugal?
That depends on how much money I have: if I have more, I will spend a higher percentage. Once the amount coming in drops, I will spend relatively less, to retain a larger percentage 'just in case'. Of course, all this is fairly irrelevant since the vast majority of my money goes on supporting Psycho for the moment.

10. Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: You work with someone who is not in the habit of bathing regularly. The smell seems to be getting worse and worse! Would you: 1. try to do something about it, or 2. try to grin and bear it? If you said 1, what would you do?
I'd tell them: obviously there's a problem and they need to know about it. I'd start by being reasonably subtle, but drop heavier and heavier hints. If they still didn't get it, I'd take them aside and tell them as nicely as I could...

Tired Bunny

Well, I'm back. What a weekend... I'm shattered. Having arrived home at 3:30am on Saturday morning, I was up again at 7:30am to sell the car (sorry Jackie... wrong continent, anyway!). Unfortunately, I didn't get as much as I'd hoped for her, but at least I won't have to pay insurance or anything any more. That should save me over a thousand pounds (Sterling) a year!

Rushing back to Paris on the afternoon train was a bit of an adventure, especially with between ten and fifteen kilos of chocolate in my backpack! Still, a quiet day yesterday helped me recover a bit and it was, of course, really nice to be back at home. Pie was pretty darned pleased to see me, too.

Today, I have a thrilling set of meetings. One of them is the most ridiculous waste of time I've seen in ages, running for two hours. It's to discuss the results of a confidential survey run within the company and see what can be done about the things that need changing. Now, this is manager stuff (which I'm not, and never want to be) and top-level strategic decisions (and other such buzzwords). I've already given my input, confidentially. Why would I want to spend another two hours giving them more input, and without confidentiality? That's just so dumb: this should just be a meeting to tell us what's been decided.

Ho hum, I'll never understand managers.

Afore I Go

I'm off to the UK in a little while, to sell my car and, incidentally, visit my mum. Therefore, I'll be quiet until at least Sunday.

Before I go, I just wanted to point you all to the latest little series of Helen - you'll need to read the three or four after that one, up to today, but they're cartoons, so it'll only take you thirty seconds. For once, someone who I thought was going down the politically correct path stayed true to reality. (OK, so the guy's pimply, but it's the underlying idea that's important...!)

Thank you, whoever writes that cartoon.

Film Lists

Spotted this one referenced at Flowerhead's site (in the list on the left, there!): someone posted the AFI (American Film Institute, presumably) Top 100 films of all time, and marked the ones they'd seen. That's a nice idea. Shame the list is made by a bunch of mysogenistic idiots who refuse to include international film, but whatever.

This has inspired me, in a strange way, to produce not one, but three lists: the AFI list as supplied and the IMDB top 100 and bottom 100 films. The latter two make more sense to me, since it's effectively voted for by viewers all over the world. So which ones have I seen? The ones in bold. The ones in italics I own, but haven't yet found time to watch...

And the summary is...

AFI: Seen 35, have another 6 waiting (so 41% in all).
IMDB Top 100: Seen 43, have another 16 waiting (so 59% in all).
IMDB Bottom 100: Seen 30, have another 8 waiting (so 38% in all).

So... I agree much more with IMDB's list than the AFI's (but that's normal, since I enjoy international cinema) and, erm, I seem to have a penchant for bad films!!

No More Friday Fives

My little reminder popped up this morning as I booted the laptop at work: Friday Five. So I dropped in, less than enthusiastic after a couple of weeks of somewhat dull questions. This week's list is just so intensely uninteresting that I shan't be doing them any more: it's just not worth the effort, for me personally. I have nothing against them at all, it just no longer interests me to discuss what brand of gum I chew. Incidentally, I don't - people chewing gum in public almost always strike me as annoying individuals who have an obsessive need to be moving their jaw (and usually with their mouth open), rather than learning to shut up and listen to life.

So no more Friday Fives here.

Francesca

I had a really weird dream last night, involving a young lady whose name is Francesca. You'll probably need a bit of background to understand why it's weird. This is going to be a very long entry and an unusually personal one. Avoid it if you don't want to read personal mush that's quite out of character for me.

From the age of eleven, I went to a grammar school in the UK. This was one of those old-style establishments, boys only, high quality of teaching and results. If you've read the entry below, you'll also know that I have four older brothers. Between the ages of eleven and sixteen, therefore, I had no female friends or company. This is not a particularly healthy situation for a timid intellectual type, particularly during the horrors of adolescence.

However, after the age of sixteen (the O-level (Ordinary level) exams, at that time, before they revamped the entire system so everyone could pass), we had the choice of heading off to work or staying on at the school to study A-levels (Advanced level). These define entry to University, where I wanted to go, so I stayed on. Bad choices of subject, though: Physics, Economics and Computers. Guess which is the only one of those that really helped in my life! :)

Now, although the school was for boys only, the counterpart (girls only) didn't do certain subjects, so there was a sort of exchange program for the last two years. There were maybe two or three girls in each year, since I stayed at the all-boys school.

When I hit the last year of school, the two girls in the year behind were both librarians, like me. That's not as dull as it sounds, since the main reasons for doing it were to have access to the librarians' room (useful on cold, wet days - we had no common rooms) and the corrugated-cardboard-tube-fights! These were probably the first two girls (nearly women) I had spoken to for more than five minutes since I became aware that girls were different.

One of them, Francesca, was lovely. She was weird as heck, very intelligent, had wonderful eyes, long dark hair, was slightly round... and I had an enormous crush on her. Of course, I was so shy at that time that I didn't dare say very much to her, but we got along OK, as I did with Catherine, the other girl. Francesca and I even had nicknames for each other, which should really have indicated something to me. She was "Trifle" and called me "Gargoyle". We don't need to go into the reasons for either of those, thank you.

All the librarians got along famously together, so we'd meet outside school occasionally. I believe we all still do as best we can, but several of us live long distances away - Catherine is a missionary in Tanzania, one guy lives in Norway, I live in France and so on. I've always stayed in touch with Catherine, since she lived very near my home in the UK (and both our fathers were very religious), and whenever we're both back home with parents we get together and catch up: she's very smart, very cool and we have this sort of proximity of character that makes for a wonderful friendship. She also happens to have a killer sense of humour and we both enjoy laughing and smiling immensely.

Via Catherine, Francesca managed to get my email address a couple of years ago and we started communicating again. It was great to hear from her. She was still hilarious and wonderful. Long-hidden feelings popped up again (no, Scary Ross, that isn't a metaphor...!!). Anyway, to cut a very long story a little shorter, in the course of the communication, I decided to mention that I'd always had a crush on her. Don't worry, it fitted into the conversation nicely - it wasn't a sledgehammer blow or anything. Bizarrely, she also admitted to having had similar feelings for me, but she always thought that I liked Catherine more.

This is, without a doubt, the most intense feeling of a missed opportunity which could have led to something stupendous that I have ever had in my life. That feeling is still with me, years later. She's with someone now, of course, and it's serious. Major bummer. She even visited Paris, with her young man (who, I should add, is lovely - a rare case of two genuinely nice people finding each other). That, of course, just made the old feelings even worse, but I digress. Also incidentally, Psycho didn't like her at all, which amuses me endlessly.

Anyway, I had a dream with her in it last night. Presumably this is deep-seated feelings of somehow wanting a relationship that are surfacing, since the whole thing was centred around her being single and us tentatively edging together in a very shy and (I hate this word) romantic way. There were some really tender scenes (that I won't go into) which left me with a feeling of longing when I woke up this morning.

So now I'm perturbed. I shall no doubt discuss this in a roundabout way with the psychologists I know and try to discover whether it's a set of feelings directed particularly at her or general feelings of relational emptiness embodied by her presence in the dream. Either way, it's a bitch: I really don't want a relationship, since they just make for unnecessary suffering and pain, and she's unavailable anyway (yes, my big psychological problem is centred around women). It was probably all kicked off by the previous blog entry, which included far too many references to relationships.

I need to get this out of my head.

Whatamess

Well, the server went away again - apparently the RAID array has some problems. That seems reasonable, especially since they just added some more disk space - and employees.org is a voluntarily-run system maintained by unpaid folks... so they've done a splendid job to bring it back so quick! Yay!

"Whatamess", by the way, is the name of a dog in some children's books written by Frank Muir in the UK - I never read any, but the title just popped into my head today!

I found another one of those "Things about me" type entries on Ruthie's blog today, called 16 Categories, so I thought I'd do it...

GENERAL...

Name: Spike (no, that's not my real name, but you don't really care, anyway!)
Birthdate: None of your business... :)
Zodiac sign: Capricorn.
Siblings: Four older brothers, no sisters.
Pets: Two cats - Pie 'Oh' Pah, male, who lives with me, and Biscotte, female, who lives with Psycho - and a rabbit, Rebecca.

APPEARANCE...

Piercings: Nope. I really don't like the idea of drilling holes in my body...
Tattoos: Yes, one. Designed it myself, too.
Height: About 6 feet.
Hair color: Brown.
Eye color: Blue.
Glasses: Yes, I'm very, very short sighted.
Righty or lefty: Dexter, but I eat sinister!
Innie or outtie: Innie.

DESCRIBE...

Your heritage: English, but my family name apparently comes from Normandy in France.
The shoes you wore today: Black Doc Marten boots.
Your hair: Long and straight - reaches to about the middle of my back.
Your eyes: Duh? That one's up above. I have two of them.
Your perfect pizza: Pizza Hut Meat Feast, with extra pepperoni.

CURRENT...

Current location: Living room, Paris, France.
Clothes: Black jeans, black t-shirt, black jumper, barefoot.
Mood: Stressed.
Make-up: Ummmm, nope.
Taste: I don't know. I don't make it a habit to lick myself.
Hair: Yes, on top of my head.
Annoyance: SharpMT, which keeps crashing and losing blog entries.
Smell: I bathe every day, so I shouldn't.
Thing you ought to be doing: Sleeping!
Fingernail color: Transparent, as for most humans.
Desktop picture: Winona Ryder, from Rolling Stone.
DVD in player: DVD drive isn't working, but I think Kuro no tenshi is still in there.
Worry: Trip to the UK this weekend, for one day, to sell my car.
Crush: None. If I have to choose one, it'd be the young lady in the CHinese restaurant down the road.
Shampoo: Organics.
Favorite celebrity: Jean Reno.

LAST...

Movie you rented: I think it was Diner de Cons.
Movie you bought: Stalingrad - going cheap in a garage!
Movie you saw: Yojimbo, again.
Song you listened to: Just A Gigolo - Louis Prima.
Song that was stuck in your head: Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall.
Song you've downloaded: Blow, Wind, Blow - Alison Moyet.
CD you bought: A 'best of' by Jeanne Mas, for Psycho.
CD you listened to: Bloodflowers - The Cure.
TV show you've watched: Friends, season 8 end.

LAST TIME YOU...

Had a nightmare: Almost two years ago, after my dad and gran died. I don't have nightmares very often at all.
Said "I love you" and meant it: Excluding my mum, about six years ago.
Ate at McDonald's: Ack... no idea. A year, maybe?
Dyed your hair: Five years ago, approximately.
Brushed your hair: This morning.
Washed your hair: This morning. Before brushing it.
Cried: No idea. Probably a couple of years ago, when my dad and gran died.
Called someone: Today.
Smiled: Today, lots. Life's to short to stop smiling.
Laughed: No idea. Today, though.
Talked to an ex: Psycho, about 90 minutes ago.

LAST PERSON...

You touched: Psycho
You talked to: Psycho (unless you count the cat)
You hugged: Psycho (unless you count the cat)
You SMS'd : A network ops guy in the US, to reboot a server for me.
You yelled at: No idea - I only yell exceptionally rarely.
You had a crush on: That'd go all the way back to when I was about 16...
You kissed: Psycho, probably. Several years ago.
Who broke your heart: Psycho.
Person that called you: Psycho.

WHAT IS...

Your most overused phrase: "Hah!"
Your thought first waking up: I don't think, I just enjoy the morning cat-cuddle.
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Face (eyes), then hair, then butt. And anyone who says 'personality' or 'smile' in there is lying.

DO YOU...

Have a boyfriend or girlfriend: No, thank you.
Have a secret crush: Nope.
Remember your first love: Indeed.
Still love him/her: Nope.
Consider love a mistake: All relationships are just a way to inflict pain on oneself unnecessarily.
Wish you could live somewhere else: I already am, so "no"!
Think about suicide: Not regularly, no.
Believe in online dating: I don't believe in dating, full stop.
Want more piercings: Definitely not.
Want more tattoos: I've thought of getting another, but I am amused by the lack of equilibrium in only having one.
Drink: Obviously, or I'd die. Oh, you mean alcohol? Very rarely.
Like the taste of alcohol: Which alcohol?
Do drugs: Excluding tobacco and alcohol, not any more, no. You do not want the long version of that.
Smoke: Yes, most definitely.
Have sex: Not with everyone I meet, no. I haven't for several years and don't miss it, either.
Like cleaning: Vaccuuming is OK, because it has a visible result. Most other forms are a right royal pain in the proverbial body part.
Like roller coasters: Not in my living room, no.
Write in cursive or print: I type everything. If forced to write, it's cursive of course.
Carry a donor card: Yes, most definitely.
Cuss: I try to avoid it, since there are much, much better and more effective words to use. If pushed, I can string together a wonderful selection of swear-words in two languages. :)
Take a shower everyday: Nope. I take a bath every day and dislike showers.
Want to get married: No, thank you.
Type with your fingers on the right keys: Obviously, or none of this would be readable. Oh, you mean touch-type? No.
Get motion sickness: Only on boats in rough weather.
Think you're attractive: Definitely not.
Care about looks: Only enough to be presentable. Anything more is pointless: we are what we are, and it's what's inside that matters, not whether I happen to look like Brad Pitt or Bill Gates.
Think you're a health freak: Nope.
Get along with your parents: I've always respected them and loved them, even if I disagreed with them. I was (and am) lucky enough to have wonderful parents.
Play an instrument: Piano and guitar, both at a very basic level, and badly.
Sleep with stuffed animals: Well, the cat usually eats before coming to sleep on the bed...
Have a dream that keeps coming back: Not since the friend I shared them with died, but that's a whole different story.
Read the newspaper: Never.
Have any straight friends: Define 'straight'.
Pray: We all do, since praying is just wishing directed at a deific entity.
Go to church: Define a church. In my own way, yes, but not in the way you mean or think.
Have any secrets: Obviously.
Talk to strangers who instant message you: Nope. People who have nothing better to do than contact me are obviously too deranged even for me to spend time with.
Wear hats: Nope, my head's a funny shape and they don't suit me.
Hate yourself: Hate's a very strong word. I dislike myself regularly, since recognising ones faults is the only way to improve.
Have an obsession: Regularly.
Collect anything: Obsessions. :)
Have a best friend: Yes, two. Psycho and Scary Ross.
Like your handwriting: Of course. If I didn't, I'd change it. Duh.
Have any bad habits: We all do, but I hope none that I consider bad would be seen as such in polite company.

DO YOU BELIEVE...

In witches: My goodness, that's an incredibly stupid question. I am one, so obviously I do.
In Satan: Define 'Satan'. If you mean a physical entity, no. If you mean a way to theoretically embody all things evil, then yes.
In ghosts: Not really, no.
There is life on other planets: Probability shows there is, but the chances of it existing within range and at the same time as us are extremely minimal.
In God: Define 'god'. If you mean the Christian one, then no. If you mean a deific embodiment of all that we can hope to spiritually achieve as humans, then yes.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...

Long distance relationships: They're no better or worse than short-distance ones. In other words, they're just unnecessary pain (see above).
Using someone: As a doorstop, an ironing board or a host organism for the entity involved in my plans for world domination?
Suicide: Depends who's committing it...
Killing people: Hurt my cat and you die. Otherwise, it's generally a bad idea.
Doing drugs: Do what you like. Just don't expect me to like it, support your habit or even like you afterwards.
Premarital sex: Sounds like a fine idea to me, unless you don't want to do it. But use a condom, since AIDS is a bastard.
Driving drunk: Drunk drivers should be run over by drunker drivers. The last ones in line should be hung, drawn and quartered.

FAVORITE...

Soap operas: Friends.
Food: Way too many to list, but pizza, ice cream and chocolate would be near the top.
Things to talk about: Anything - conversing with other life forms is enriching.
Sports: To do or watch? To do, archery and Tae-Bo. To watch, none really. Skiing is relaxing and amusing. Martial arts are beautiful.
Clothes: Black.
Movies: The Wicker Man, Seven Samurai... way too many to list.
Band: The Cure.
Holiday: What's a holiday? I haven't had one in years.

NUMBER OF...

Times I have had my heart broken: Exactly two.
Hearts I have broken: One, as far as I know. Perhaps two.
Girls I have kissed: Less than 10, at a rough guess. Certainly no more than double that.
Boys I have kissed: None, excluding family.
Continents I have lived in: One, Europe.
People I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: Two, Psycho and Scary Ross.
Scars on my body: None to speak of. A couple of very minor ones on my head, and one on my arm that I have no idea how it got there.

IN THE PAST 30 DAYS, DID/HAVE YOU...

Drink alcohol: Yes, exceptionally.
Smoke: Yes, regularly.
Done a drug: Excluding alcohol and tobacco? No.
Made out: No.
Go on a date: No.
Go to the mall: No.
Been on stage: No.
Been dumped: No.
Gone skating: No.
Made homemade cookies: No.
Been in love: No.
Gone skinny dipping: No.
Dyed your hair: No.
Stolen anything: Downloaded music = stealing?

HAVE YOU EVER...

Cried over a girl/boy: Yes.
Lied to someone: All the time.
Been in a fist fight: Yes, I have four older brothers.
Been arrested: Not that I recall.
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Define 'game'. :)
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes.
Been caught "doing something": Define that. Probably.
Been called a tease: Not in a sexual sense, no.
Gotten beaten up: Yes (see brothers comment, above).

THE FUTURE...

Age you hope to be married: After I'm dead. Alternatively, never.
Numbers and names of children: Irrelevant, but I'd probably name a girl Manon. No idea for a boy.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Older. Alternatively, really alone for a while.
What country would you most like to visit: Japan.

Monday Mission

A good one from PromoGuy this week - films!! :)

1. Is there a movie you would like to see Hollywood make a sequel to?
Yup - Remo, Unarmed And Dangerous. A woefully underestimated film, which I must have watched at least a dozen times. Looking forward to the DVD release in June!!

2. What movie sequel do you think should never have been made?
Although I haven't yet seen it, probably The Matrix Reloaded: the original was great as it was. There really was absolutely no need to regurgitate it.

3. Are there any books (comic, novel, etc.) that you would like to see made into a movie? Who should star in it?
Roger Zelazny's Amber series would make an excellent transfer, or Clive Barker's Imajica. For the former, Mel Gibson as Corwin. For the latter, someone darker and more twisted for Sartori... if he was still alive, a youngish Peter Cushing would have been excellent.

4. When was the last time the you got a shot at the Doctor's office? Do you prefer them in the arm or your backside? Or would you rather just take a
prescription?
Egad! About ten years ago when I had food poisoning and couldn't stop throwing up. I really don't mind where they go, and they're a lot easier than swallowing pills and stuff. I tend to avoid doctors, anyway.

5. Do you make friends easier in "Real Life" or online or is it about the same? Do you have closer friendships in "Real Life" or online? Why do you think that is? Are you ok with that or would you like to make a change?
Neither, really. I make friends easily in real life (and what's with the quotes there?), but they're rarely close friends. Online, I have very few 'new' friends - probably only two. Online people tend to annoy me because they turn up all the time and want to chat, which is infuriating.

6. When you first got your drivers license how did you feel ? Did you get it on the first try, second, third, more than that ?
Felt great, but scary. I got mine first time round. I love driving.

7. Have you ever had your tonsils removed? Did you ever come close? Tell me about that.
Not as far as I know, no.

BONUS: Who's that girl?
That's no girl, that's Madonna.

Unconscious Mutterings

Since I'm drinking Hoegaarden (and I VERY rarely drink anything alcoholic), I figured now would be a good time to do the free association for this week, thanks to LunaNina. And yes, there should be an accent on there, but I'm buggered if I'm going to try to find it at this time of night.

And no, Scary Ross, I'm not buggered, thank you kindly.

1. Naked:: Lunch
2. Singular:: -ity
3. Particle:: Beam
4. Unified:: Resource Locator
5. Lion:: through his teeth (lyin', geddit?)
6. Capitulate:: Surrender
7. Quantum:: Mechanics
8. Celestial:: Body
9. Motion:: Detector
10. Delight:: Chocolate

Keanu Can't Act

France 2 showed The Matrix tonight, followed by the animated prologue (I believe that's what it is) Animatrix. I missed them both, since I was over at Psycho's, propping up her depression at the fact that the world apparently refuses to revolve around her.

I've seen the film, of course - 99% of all cinema/film lovers have, after all - and must say that I enjoy it immensely. It does, however, have its problems. First among these, and the only one really worth noting, is Keanu Reeves. He simply can't act. Yes, yes, I know he's playing "Mr. Anderson", a normal guy and all that, but he could at least have a bit of a personality. I'd also appreciate it if he could lose that stupid 'deep' voice he tries to put on when he's being serious - it just makes him sound stupid. Oh, and learn to fight Kung-Fu style... smoothly. I really detest all the poseur-style move-stop-move-stop crap he comes up with.

Of course, seeing the whole thing dubbed into French would have just been horrific, so I'm not too worried at missing it. Oh, while I think of it... the best stupidity in French dubbing that I've seen since I've been here? Aliens. There's a moment where Hicks is teaching Ripley to use a pulse rifle. She asks what the thing underneath is - it's the grenade launcher. So he teaches her to use it and, at one point, says "And don't forget to duck." The French translation? "Et n'oublie pas les canards."

"And don't forget the ducks."

I can just imagine several million French viewers saying "Huh?"

E3

It's that time of year again, when all the big games companies head off to E3 - the biggest convention for video games in the world. It's one big collection of media hysteria, booth babes, gaming icons and some very, very expensive marketing campaigns. Of course, all the gaming magazines head there as well, in a desperate bid to be the first to reveal upcoming games, get exclusive interviews with designers no one has ever heard of and so on.

Personally, all I'm hoping for out of the massive influx of news is some detail on the release dates for Thief 3, Star Wars Galaxies and EverQuest 2. The rest of it is all just banter, buzzwords and BS. It's been way too long since anyone did anything new and innovative in the gaming industry (last things I can think of are EverQuest getting MMORPG gaming right, Black & White having astounding AI and Battlefield 1942 upping the bar in the FPS genre).

Since Doom 3 and a bunch of other 'long awaited' titles are showing, there could be some good news. I'm a cynic, though, and suspect it will all be "wow, look how pretty the graphics are!" rather than checking whether the games are playable or not. We'll see.

Version Two

OK, so I sent a set of questions to the folks at the Friday Five over the weekend, but they didn't use them. I guess they were a bit too deep - after all, the ideology of the FF is, quote, "basic questions that just about anyone can answer". Anyway, I thought I'd answer my own questions anyway, just because.

1. If you could commit one crime (successfully) and not be punished for it, what would you do?
I think I'd go for the really obvious choice here, and rob something like the Federal Gold Reserve. All the things like political assassinations never work out for the better anyway, so I might as well just be unhealthily rich.

2. If you could make one crime disappear, so that no person on the planet would *ever* commit it again, which would it be?
Rape. Initially, I thought 'murder', but rape is much more horrible.

3. If you could incarcerate one individual for something they have done, whether it's actually a crime or not, who would it be and for how long?
Despite the HUGE temptation of saying "Andie MacDowell, for life, for being such an ugly, horrible, bourgeois cow", I think I'll have to go for someone I shall call E.S., an ex-girlfriend. I'd love to throw her in prison for a year or two. The crime? Being an egotistical bitch.

4. If you could make one act a crime from this day forward, punishable by law, what would it be?
Bad parenting! It'd be great to force parents to accept the responsibility of the upbringing of their children, instead of letting them do whatever the hell they want and blame society for the consequences. All those parents with screeching children in the supermarket paying fines for unruly conduct; all those with kids who don't go to school paying fines or serving time (community service, for example); all those parents with kids who steal, mug people, bully, deal drugs... all these things punishable. That'd be great. Oh, and of course any parent abusing their child (sexually or violently) can get thrown in prison 'til they rot.

5. Conversely, if you could make one currently criminal act cease to be a crime and no longer punishable, what would it be?
In a worldwide sense, I'd definitely choose "exercising religious and political freedom": in other words, stop the oppression of folks who aren't allowed to choose their own beliefs and express them openly and peacefully. If that could also stop all the stupid terrorism that goes on because of slight intellectual differences, that'd be nice.

Friday Five

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a whiney old bugger, or at least not usually. It's just that the Friday Fives are becoming.... mundane. I need more stimulation. Then again, that's how they're supposed to be: I guess it's time to find another meme. Ho hum, here goes anyway:

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?
Wet water. As long as it's water, I really don't care!

2. What are your favourite flavor of chips?
Terrible grammar there. "What is..." not "What are...". Anyway, I always just like plain old salted ones, unless pickled onion flavour Space Raiders are available.

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?
Fried salmon steaks accompanied by green beans, no sauce and perhaps a little bit of lemon.

4. How do you have your eggs?
Cooked.

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?
Me: it's always me who cooks, except on the rare occasions that Psycho does one of her omelettes (which are, I should add, the bestest in the whole wide worruld! And I'm not kidding.). It turned out... boring, but edible.

Back To Work!

Blimey.

The alarm went off at 6:30 this morning and I couldn't believe it. Thursday last week was a public holiday here in France ('Victory in Europe' day, or the end of the Second World War), followed by a generous 'bridge' day from work. Follow that with the weekend and that makes four days at home. Since I had a nasty cold, I worked from home on Monday. Yesterday, everyone in the country was on strike (at least the public services were, because the government is changing the way pensions work and they'll no longer get preferential treatment, but will have to work as long as us in the private sector), so everyone including me worked from home if they could.

So, after six days in my apartment, I'm back in the office. It's a bit of a shock, really, but not such a bad thing. Of course, the public services in Paris are still on strike today, which made coming in a bit of a nightmare, but such is life.

We've had a major crackdown on copyright infringement at the office. Probably due to the increasing number of cases where folks are being fired (or warned) and companies are having to settle out of court for employees downloading copyright materials via their office networks, we've all had an email explaining that this will be punished if we're caught doing it. This makes sense. Another thing that makes sense is that the heads of IT have contacted all of us in their departments to state that they expect us to take the lead: zero tolerance is now incoming.

This has been seen in the past, too. A while back, we all had an email suggesting (strongly) that we remove all file-sharing software from our PCs if we had it. Ports were blocked, and basically an 'amnesty' period ensued, where everyone was given time to remove dodgy software. I've even heard solid rumours of a chap being fired for trying to crack an online movie site - stupid ass tried to do it from a work site on a work computer! D'oh!

For once, I think a company has got it right: everyone in IT knows that the worst people for piracy and copyright infringement are those who know the most about it and who have the ability to give or remove access to those services - in other words, IT itself. I had a quick look on our company's news server this morning and all the binary newsgroups are gone. Good start. Heck, if you want to download stuff, do it at home where you're the only one responsible: losing the 2 megabit connection is a bit sucky, but such is the price of being honest in the workplace. And let's face it, what's more important? A film that'd cost a few euros to rent, a CD that'd cost a little (too much) to buy or your job?!

So there goes piracy within the office: the company makes its stand. Personally, I have no problem with this and I understand it completely. I'd like to see businesses make a similar stand against spam email, but that's a completely different question - after all, that's our money being absorbed, not theirs.

Damn This Cold

I missed another day. My brain's in a sort of "standby mode" where it works to run the minimum required (motor functions and a little thought). Thankfully, today there's This Or That Tuesday to come to my rescue for content. And to think I even suggested a set of questions for the Friday Five the other day... come back, brain! All is forgiven!

1. Packrat or minimalist?
Packrat, definitely. I have so much stuff in my apartment, you wouldn't believe it - although in my defense, I'm actually storing a lot of it for a friend. On holiday, I'm a minimalist: carry as little as possible.

2. Computer: desktop or laptop?
Both. One should not have to choose. A laptop is terribly practical to take to work, travel with and so on, but the gaming power of a desktop makes a big difference at home.

3. Seashore or mountains?
Seashore, definitely. The sound of the sea is much more calming than a freezing wind blowing snow into your eyes. And seashores tend to have pubs near them, too, for something to eat and drink.

4. Carpeting or bare floors?
I'm not bothered. I have carpets at home, but that's because I rent the apartment and they were already there. If I lived on the ground floor, definitely carpets as there would be no one underneath the flat to send heat up through the floor.

5. Drinking water: bottled or tap?
Not worried. I'll drink either, although I drink very little and it's usually coffee.

6. Shopping websites: eBay or Amazon?
Amazon. I don't really trust anyone enough to use eBay, and there are better places with lower prices.

7. Cute little kitties or big scary tigers?
Both! Cats are the most wonderful creatures on the planet (despite what Scary Ross says).

8. Front door or back door?
That's a rather personal question, isn't it?

9. Lots of jewelry, or little/none?
None at all. I can't bear having metal things dangling on bits of my body. It really annoys me. The only piece of jewelry I wear is a pendant that Psycho gave me and which was given to her when she was christened: it's sort of a symbol of being her family now.

10. Thought-provoking question of the week: At the last minute, you obtain tickets to an event you're dying to attend. However, you have to work that day! Do you ask the boss for the time off, or just call in sick?
Either. I do so much extra work and extra time, and am on call 24/7, no one would complain if I asked or if I just called in sick.

Sunday Snot

Whoa, hang on. Did I miss a day, there? I missed a day, right? Man, that sucks. That's what you get for catching a cold and still trying to carry on and do everything you normally do on a Saturday. Dammit.

Friday Five

A rather boring Friday Five this week, although it must be difficult to come up with new questions all the time:

1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?
Nope. I don't have the patience for it.

2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?
Nope.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?
Nope.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?
Only with things where I want to be able to find an item quickly, such as DVDs, CDs and books. If I have a lot of something, I'll try to organise it a bit, just to make things easier in the long run.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?
My own life...

Silly Bean!

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

OK, so originally I was Gay Bear, but then I realised I'm more likely to be reading Nietzsche than to be dancing. Can I mix both and be Gay Nihilist Bear, please? Oh, and I do care about fluffy kitties. Honest.

Doctors vs. Nature

Well, this cold's definitely settled in for today, at least. Amazingly, I slept really well last night, thanks to my standard way of dealing with a head-cold: I have a beer before bedtime, which is odd because I very rarely drink alcohol, and take a couple of Day Nurse pills. These are the milder version of the most wonderful cold medicine ever invented, Night Nurse, which knocks me out for 14 hours and cures the problem overnight. I didn't take the latter because it's a holiday today and I didn't want to lose half the day to sleep. Pie woke me up at 7:00 anyway, by licking my eyelids. That's always a bit of a shock.

The thing that's running through my head at the moment, apart from lots of mucus, is how we all deal differently with sickness. Personally, I'm very "old school" about this, relying on traditional cures, on my body's immune system and only going to see a doctor if it's really bad. Psycho, on the other hand, is pretty much my opposite: as soon as she is ill, she'll start popping pills, rush off to see a doctor and so on.

Now, I'm not saying that either one of these is better or worse, but it amuses me to see the difference. Less amusing, however, is when someone who fits one of the categories tries to convince someone from the other category that they should act a certain way. What's that? Does this happen to me? Oh, but yes.

Psycho regularly gets uppity when I am ill. Now, don't get me wrong - she is very, very supportive and caring, as she proved when I slipped four discs and trapped six muscles in my back! Ten days lying flat, and she looked after me. What a sweetie!

However, when it comes to contagious things, she gets all jittery and upset. Many a time she has harangued me for not going to see a doctor, as she did last night. My response is quite simply that there is no cure for a cold: going to see a doctor wastes their time, when I can take aspirin on my own. Of course, what she's really worried about is catching it herself.

She ain't no biologist. She's obviously not familiar with incubation periods. Oops, too late...

Aspirin

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the inventor(s) of aspirin for all their hard work and genius. I just discovered I have a nasty cold, which I thought was just a runny nose caused by driving in this morning with the roof down on the car.

Unfortunately, it turned into a pounding headache and my eyes started hurting. Just in time for the four-day weekend we have here (that starts tomorrow). The aspirin I took just kicked in, and the world is a brighter, more pleasant place.

Phew.

Proud Of Myself

For once, I'm quite proud of myself. Twice a week, I am lucky enough to work from home: in fact, I have no limit on how often I can officially do that, but I limit myself in an attempt to maintain contact with my colleagues and because I enjoy my job. Yes, I'm one of those sickeningly lucky people who gets paid to do what he likes, with nice people who he can consider friends as well as fellow workers. The tradeoff is that I work long hours and am on call 24/7, but that's a small price. It even gives me a good excuse sometimes, when I need to avoid Psycho!

Normally, working from home is a mix of good and bad. The good part is that there is little distraction from other people - occasionally the phone will ring and the cat is omnipresent (of course!), but mostly I can concentrate on the work and get lots done in half the normal time. The bad part is that it can sometimes be difficult to maintain motivation, with my gaming PC right there, the television, DVD collection and so on.

So I'm proud of myself for yesterday's work: a guy who needed a Business Objects universe built by the end of the month had it in one afternoon. Wahey!

Every Cloud

Every cloud has a silver lining, they say, and I try to think like that as much as possible. Even in the worst moments of darkness, there's generally something positive to be found. Yes, I'm an optimist. I don't care if my glass is half-empty or half-full: hey, I've got a glass! At the same time, I'm somewhat of a stoic: whatever life deals me, I try to accept with a resigned calm. My philosophy on life?

"Life sucks, but that's just life."

So what brings on this philosophical mood? Well, last night was an exercise in stoical calm, life sucking and a silver lining that was quite unexpected. Sounds dramatic, but it isn't really. The collection of events that coincided on one evening of one day was, however, quite intriguing when viewed from the inside.

It all started in a very normal way: Psycho phoned me at work, for the fourth or fifth time that day. She phones at least five or six times every day, just to say hello or for a little emotional support. This time it was to tell me she had an opthalmic migraine. These things are horrible. I've had one myself. Everything goes black and white (or in my case, black and red) and it hurts: the pain in the head is constant, unyielding, and every little noise or flash of light hurts like crazy. The only thing to do is to go to bed, hide under the covers where it's dark and quiet and wait for the blessed calm of sleep, if it will come.

Unfortunately, yesterday was the day that Psycho needed to go to see a doctor to pick up a prescription. As it happens, I live right above a pharmacy, so the lady there knows both of us really well and is wonderfully helpful. I always pick up any meds Psycho needs, on her behalf, and the pharmacist never questions anything or asks for ID or whatever. She'll even advance stuff if we run out, and will wait for the appropriate prescription to arrive to fulfill the backlog, as it were. She's great. Psycho arranged, therefore, for me to visit her doctor (who also knows me and is willing to give me the documents needed) at 7:30 that evening and get everything sorted out.

This, in itself, was not a big deal. However, I knew she had a lack of one particular medicine that she'd need that night, so I'd need to visit the pharmacy before having the prescription. I also had to do some shopping, as I had nothing to eat for the evening and Psycho needed some Coke and some yoghurts. Fitting all this into the time between arriving at home, around 6:30, and the shops' relative closing times would be a bit of a challenge! Ah, well, such is life.

So I drove home. Unfortunately, again, it was raining: this in itself does not bother me, even when I have no coat or umbrella (as yesterday). I love the rain. I never carry an umbrella, in fact. On the other hand, some Parisian drivers seem to have no understanding of the dangers of rain on the roads and drive stupidly. After all, it's vitally important that they get home those 30 seconds earlier, that they advance those final two metres towards the car in front... they're really, really dumb. Thankfully, I'm a pretty calm driver, so I let them push and shove, get annoyed and overtake (while making signs and hooting madly). It simply doesn't bother me. If they want to have an accident, they can do so in front of me where I can see and have time to stop, rather than behind me and involving me!

Anyway, I went and did the shopping immediately: I'd have much preferred to do it on the way to Psycho's, but there was a chance it would be too late after the doctor. If not, I could always stock the stuff in my apartment until needed. I hate shopping, particularly in the evening when there's tons of people and I always end up in the queue for the checkout, sandwiched between someone who smells of alcohol and someone who sighs and puffs every ten seconds because they're not the only human being in existence and waiting in line for three minutes is such a chore. Lugging the stuff home, I stopped at the pharmacy and picked up the medicine Psycho would need for that evening: the pharmacist, as usual, was great.

Arriving back in the flat, I had about 20 minutes to myself before having to head out again. Time enough to sit down, cuddle the cat for a few minutes, close my eyes and relax, then get up and get ready to head off. No rest for the wicked, as they say. The doc was cool, thankfully, and happily filled out everything she needs. On the other hand, he miscalculated covering for the shortages of the last couple of weeks, which is really annoying. After the meeting with the doctor, it was almost 8:00... precisely the time the food shops close. Phew. I'd already bought the essentials! So, back to my apartment, under the rain, pack the stuff up and off I went again.

Having now been soaked three or four times by the rain, rushed from place to place and feeling generally crappy and tired, I didn't expect the evening to be very wonderful. However, this is where that silver lining came in... firstly, Psycho decided she wasn't that hungry (for once... I've never seen anyone eat as much as she does and stay slim!) and would just have a couple of big bowls of soup and some yoghurts. This saved me standing and cooking: not that I particularly mind, but I only ever cook for her, surviving as I do on microwave meals and lunches in the cafeteria at work. One less chore. She'd also very kindly done the washing up, which absolutely kills her because of a back anomaly she has that makes it difficult and painful for her to stand, leaning over the sink. Two less chores.

The final, wonderful part to the silver lining was neither of these, though. It was something that only those of you who love pets will understand. We were sitting watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, which was on TV and she's never seen, when Biscotte ('our' cat) wandered out from behind the futon. She loves hiding behind there. Now, Biscotte is a cuddly cat, but not one to sit on laps or stay for extended cuddles, particularly with me. Yesterday, she did something she'd never done before, to me or to Psycho. She climbed up on my lap, lay down... and went to sleep there. If you're not a cat lover, you won't understand why this was so nice, but believe me... it made the rest of the evening's difficulties seem worthwhile. Bliss.

Monday Mission

You'll be seeing two entries today, since this one's been sitting here since yesterday. Apparently, my host server was down or on holiday or something, making it impossible to connect all day. Ho hum. These things happen.

On to PromoGuy's mission!

1. Are there any confrontations you have been avoiding that you know you will eventually have to deal with? What's that all about?

Yup. Mostly with Psycho. And what's it about? Well, it's about being gentle with someone who's mentally fragile, sacrificing your own happiness, temporarily, for the good of another. All the usual nice guy stuff.

2. When was the last time you surprised yourself by being more brave than you ever thought you could be?

I don't remember.

3. You know that sickly feeling you get when are speeding and out of the corner of your eye you realize you just passed a hidden police car? It is that "deer-caught-in-the-headlights" feeling, where you are so busted there is no way out. When was the last time you were in a situation like that?

I don't remember: it's extremely rare for me to have that feeling, since I'm a stoic.

4. Do you have any things stored away that you just can't get rid of but will probably of no sentimental value to anyone once you are gone? Why do we hang on to that stuff? Do you think you could sell or auction it off?

Tons of stuff. Very little I own will have value to others when I'm dead, but that's irrelevant - they didn't buy it and I wasn't thinking of posterity. I could probably sell a good 60% of the crap I have stored, but I don't see the point: I'm not so poor that a tiny extra bit of income will make a difference, so I might as well keep the crap.

5. What are some of the things you have a strong stomach for, and what are some of the things that can turn your stomach?

I have a strong stomach for things that are natural: animal poop and vomit, human vomit and so on. Disease and injury do not freak me out. Mental disorders make me only slightly uncomfortable. The things that do turn my stomach or freak me out are slimy stuff, spiders and children.

6. Have you ever been involved in an experience that started out as something good and enjoyable but eventually became destructive and bad for your health (mentally or physically)?

Many, many times.

7. Do you believe in evolution or creationism or something else?

Personally, I don't see why creationism and evolutionism are mutually exclusive: a deific start to the universe followed by the ability to grow and adapt seems perfectly reasonable to me. I don't believe 100% in the Big Bang (not that it didn't happen, just that the stuff that caused it had to come from somewhere). I also don't believe Adam & Eve actually existed (it's just another way of explaining creation). Thus, I believe (and disbelieve) both sides of that argument.

Bonus: Are you trying to tempt me?

Hello, little boy. Want to come and see my puppies?

50 Things

And the binge continues... bored, bored, bored! Here's one that's up at Ruthie's, and I've seen elsewhere, too. It's originally for women, but whatever. Hit that 'more' link...

1. Your name spelled backwards.
ekipS

2. Where were your parents born?
I have no idea, to be honest. Both were born in the UK, though.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Excluding the MTMacros plugin for MovableType, the last big thing would be SmartFTP, which is excellent and free.

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
Le Bistro de Papa, just next to École Militaire, 7ème arrondissement, Paris.

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Ummm.... probably be when I was on holiday in Spain with Psycho, about five or six years ago.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yes. I used to be big on plays: I was the Cowardly Lion in Wizard of Oz, Captain Hook in Peter Pan, a narrator, did lights and a bunch of other stuff.

7. How many kids do you want?
Fried or toasted? Seriously: none, thank you. I have no particular desire to bring unsuspecting souls into such a shitty world.

8. Type of music you dislike most?
A while ago I would have said rap, but now I have to say mushy-gushy French crap instead.

9. Are you registered to vote?
Not in France, no. In the UK, yes, but I no longer live there.

10. Do you have cable?
Yes, TV and Internet. One of the first in Paris to get it, too. :)

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Yes, and a motorcycle, too. I was the passenger on the bike, but I had a go at driving the moped. I prefer cars.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
Nope.

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Yup, three times. Only paid one of them, since the other two were on my English car, in Paris. They don't pursue people internationally for such a trivial thing. The one I paid was on a work car that I borrowed when shopping at IKEA (my car has a really small boot): I hurt my back really badly and couldn't move the car from its parking spot, so I got a ticket. Ho hum.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Sky diving, maybe, but not bungee jumping.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled.
Ummm, probably Rome.

16. Do you have a garden?
Nope.

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
Calvin & Hobbes! I enjoy Helen, Sweetheart of the Internet, too.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Not *all* the words, no. The first verse, yes.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Bath. Every morning.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Ying Xiong, otherwise known as "Hero". Possibly the best movie I've seen in the last few years, too.

21. Favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni.

22. Chips or popcorn?
I presume you mean 'crisps', being American? Definitely not popcorn except in the cinema.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Er, I don't...

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
As in cooking-smoked, or puff-puff-smoked? Neither, actually...

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Nope.

26. Orange juice or apple?
Orange, but only freshly squeezed. The long-life stuff tastes like vomit.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you
dine?
A rather lovely, neurotic Vietnamese psychologist friend of Psycho's. We went to a Chinese restaurant in the centre of Paris somewhere. Psycho doesn't know.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Depends on the day. The one standard, which is always good, is Cadbury's Caramel.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Never.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
I don't like them, but we grew them when I was young.

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Not that I recall.

32. Are you a good cook?
Well, that would depend who you ask, wouldn't it? For my current audience of one person: yes, I'm a good cook. For someone with proper taste buds used to eating gourmet meals in five-star restaurants, probably not.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
No, I wait for the little green men to descend from Planet Zorb and do it for me. Of course I know how to... jeez.

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
What's an infomercial? I don't watch TV... so no.

35. Sprite or 7-up?
Depends on my mood. Sprite is saltier, 7-Up sweeter.

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Virtually all men have to wear the standard I'm-conforming-so-pay-me uniform of a white shirt and tie at some time in their life. I have done so, and thankfully do not have to at my current job.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Aspirin with vitamin C.

38. Ever throw up in public?
Absolutely.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Being a millionaire. True love would be wonderful but egotistical: with millions, one can change the lives of hundreds or thousands of other people.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Since people profess to experiencing it, it must exist. If you mean "do you think that 'love at first sight' thing would ever happen to you personally", then no.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
What's one of them? Blasted US-centric questionnaires. I presume it's a sex-line or something?

42. Can ex's be friends?
Absolutely. See Psycho for details.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
If psychological clinics count, then it was Psycho. If not, it was probably my friend Tref who died almost ten years ago from cancer.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
I don't know. I don't remember checking at that time.

45. What message is on your answering machine?
"Bonjour, vous êtes bien chez *moi*. Je ne suis pas là pour le moment, mais vous pouvez me laisser un message après le bip et je vous rappelerai." Then the English version of the same.

47. What was the name of your first pet?
Flash, a ginger tom cat. Everyone used to call him Flash Gordon, but he was named for a little flash of white he had on his neck. When we had new neighbours, they had a cat that he hated. It was called Ming. How weird is that for a coincidence?

48. What is in your purse?
My wallet, you mean. Money, a blank cheque, credit/debit cards, my cafeteria card for work, my passport, my carte de sejour, my driving license, carte orange (travel pass), two photos and several receipts. Probably some moths, too.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Be alone in my apartment, watching a movie or playing PC games, with the cat on my lap. Anywhere there aren't people is good.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
I live in a different country to the rest of my family: total independance.

Blog Binge

Yup, having a bit of a posting binge at the moment. :)

Been running into a huge number of sites complaining about the number of comments on the blog written by some bloke called Wil Wheaton. Lots of people apparently hate this person - there's even a webring. So I went and looked at the site and at the FAQ.

Could someone please explain to me who Wil Wheaton is? Apparently he was in Star Trek or something? Why is this such a big deal, and why does it make people either love him or hate him? Hello?! Is our society really this shallow that we're willing to suck up to someone because they were on TV, or hate them because they were on TV and write a blog and people suck up to them?

Battle Imps

OK, so I was wandering around aimlessly and came across this one over at jozjozjoz's site. She's a funny girl, incidentally...

SpikeTheLobster's Battle Imp is

Irid

Backstabbing: 9 Dodgin': 10 Guts: 10 Magic Mojo: 4 Smackdown: 6

Will your battle imp beat SpikeTheLobster's? Enter your name and fight.

Free Association

Doing this one before fully awake and before Psycho phones to spend hours being depressed:

1. Nanny:: Fran
2. Weight:: Watchers
3. Deep:: Rising
4. Sock:: Puppet
5. 24 hours:: Later
6. Tongue:: Lashing
7. Fees:: Bees
8. Champagne:: Cork
9. Bruise:: Ego
10. Pancakes:: Flat

Vandalism And Theft

I'm one of those people who was brought up to respect the property of others. My father was very religious and, despite the usual Christian approach to life (rule by guilt and fear), was a truly wonderful parent: he instilled in all his sons a set of moral values that are good and true. OK, so he tainted it with the religious crap, but that's alright. When all is said and done, morals are morals, regardless of their source.

Consequently, I don't understand theft and vandalism. I'm not talking about things like 'premanently borrowing' a pad of Post-It notes from work, here, but the idea of breaking into someone else's home or car and taking things that don't belong to you, or of destroying their possessions for no particular reason.

Personally, I'm lucky enough never to have been burgled (or 'burglarized', as the Americans would say). but my car has been broken into and vandalised. Twice, in fact. Now, I drive an MX-5, or Miata to the US contingent, so it's a soft-top and some would say invites thieves (here's a pic that's similar, but mine has a black roof). Of course, the idea of 'inviting' a thief is completely ridiculous - if someone normal saw a car with no roof or doors, they wouldn't think of stealing from it. A thief is a thief, an opportunist with no morals.

The first time the car was broken into, I was really surprised. I've never had anything like that happen before, but at least the thief was respectful. I know, that sounds stupid, but s/he was: the roof had been cut just enough to slide a hand down and unlock the door; the car had been rifled, but they had left everything they didn't want neatly stacked on the passenger seat; no damage was done to the vehicle except the absolute essential to gain entry. That's what I call an old-style criminal: they're doing their 'job', without being unnecessarily mean to the victim. The person had taken what they wanted (not much, as I keep virtually nothing in there!) and had left everything else as it was.

The second time hurt more. The person responsible this time was just an ass, with no respect for anything. Lower than pond-scum. Seeing a car with a small hole in the roof (I hadn't had time to get it repaired), the thief decided to have a look what was inside. I'm not stupid: everything that was in the car was now at home, leaving it completely empty. So what did they do? Well, being stupid-ass bastards who hadn't found a cache of Rolex watches in the glove compartment, they were obviously annoyed. So they slashed a huge cut across the roof, right from one side to the other. That makes sense... not.

I'm trusting that life will treat the first of these criminals decently: that, when caught, they will end up paying for their crimes in a decent fashion and be treated decently. The second of the two, I trust will be caught, beaten to a pulp by the police, then put into a cell with a huge guy called Bubba and turned into a bitch. May he never walk straight again.

Incidentally, I have nothing against guys called Bubba. It's just one too many silly 'doing time' movies. Oh, and you wonder what the least-stolen car in France is? It's this. No surprise, right?

Friday Five

And here's this week's Friday Five. OK, so it's no longer Friday *here*, but it is in the US. So there!

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.
"YMCA" by The Village People.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.
There's only one that will do this, in fact: "Who Wants To Live For Ever" by Queen. It was played at one of my best friends' funeral when he died at 24. "Trust" by The Cure dismantles me internally, but doesn't make me cry.

3. Name three songs that turn you on.
There aren't any: music doesn't do that to me. I don't personally consider that bizarre, but I guess it would be to some people. I don't even find any music sexy. I think it's that "YMCA" influence from question 1, myself.

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.
"Missing" by Everything But The Girl
"Schöneberg" by Marmion (Paul Oakenfold's Mix)
"Hand In My Pocket" by Alanis Morrissette
"Catch" by The Cure

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.
Way, way too many to list here: but five choices are:
"The Kiss" by The Cure
"Home" by Depeche Mode
"Floor Essence" by The Man With No Name
"Jóga" by Björk
"Le Vent Nous Portera" by Noir Désir and Manu Chau

Pizza Hut = Insane?

Would someone please be kind enough to tell Pizza Hut France to stop making completely insane recipes for their pizzas? I mean, I'm all for innovation and everything, but these people just don't seem to know what makes sense when it's baked onto a bread base, and what's just completely gross and mad.

I phoned them last night to order some food, you see. Thursday nights, I stay at home instead of going over to see Psycho (hey, she has me around the other six days of the week, at her beck and call..!!). So I thought that, rather than cooking for myself - which is always such a chore - I'd have something delivered. I asked for a standard vegetarian deep-pan pizza: no, I'm not a vegetarian, but that particular choice is very tasty and lighter than the average pepperoni-laden ones I have if I'm eating at midday! Since I'm not working or moving around a great deal afterwards, the heavier, meaty pizzas have a tendency to sit there in my stomach, chuckling to themselves and refusing to budge. I'm pretty sure they're still there the next morning, too, waiting for coffee and toast to be delivered, but I digress.

The pizza arrived and I paid and everything. Incidentally, the Pizza Hut delivery guys here in Paris are generally excellent - they're polite without being obsequious, generally quite smily and aren't pushed into delivering really, really fast. They're normally at the door in 20-30 minutes, but I'd personally rather they arrived a tad later than get smushed in traffic because they have to deliver fast. Plus, I tip reasonably well and order fairly regularly, so that helps.

Speed Rabbit Pizza deliveries are the worst I've seen so far: the pizzas are horrible, the ice cream comes in tiny, tiny little pots that cost way too much and I've even had a delivery guy ask for a tip. He didn't get one.

So anyway, back to my initial point: these new pizzas. With every delivery, the latest menu is tucked into the edge of the box. So why do I think these people are insane? Why? I'll tell you why. It's bad enough that the French put fresh cream, salmon and fried/baked eggs on their pizzas. It was worse when they produced the Tartiflette pizza, piling one of the heaviest savoyard meals you can imagine onto a bread base. But was this enough?

Oh, no. Of course it wasn't enough.

They have a new pizza: the Grand Canyon. This consists of a bread base as usual, but it's topped with two different cheeses, onions, spicy beef and tortillas. Yes, I said tortillas. Crispy, crunchy tortillas.

Now tell me they're not mad. Go on.

Romance Time

You might be wondering, now I come to think of it, what that 'RT' thing is next to the posting time. As you probably know by now, I live in Paris: city of romance, city of beauty, city of insane drivers. I've been here for quite some time, and always assumed that the city was in the 'Central European Time' zone, one hour ahead of GMT. However, I was wrong.

Apparently, Paris resides in a time zone that is officially called 'Romance Time'. Can you believe that? *grin*