I am Spike, the author of the Lobsterblog. It's always rather difficult to describe oneself, but I'll have a go. I'm male, human (or close) and I turned 34 at the start of this year. I'm English by birth and now live in Paris, where I work for a huge great big networking company. I moved here over six years ago to be with Psycho, a relationship that didn't work out. We broke up within six months of me moving here, but have remained the best of friends.

Outside of 'real' work, I do a bunch of other stuff: I occasionally write or edit reviews for an online games magazine, although much less frequently these days. I play a heck of a lot of computer games. I'm a big film lover as well, with a collection of (probably well over) 1,000 or so cassettes and DVDs in various languages - none of which I understand, of course. Music-wise, I'm a goth-cum-new-wave lover, enjoying The Cure, Sisters, Siouxsie, Bauhaus, All About Eve, Depeche Mode and so on. Add a healthy mix of techno and dance-trance to that, some jazz and some other stuff... well, it's all a bit eclectic, isn't it?

I'm also an animal lover, with a cat (Pie 'Oh' Pah) in my flat, and another cat (Biscotte) who lives at Psycho's - she was 'our' cat and went with her when she moved out. I used to have two rabbits, two guinea pigs and three rats, but they died of old age or illness. Psycho now has a hamster (Rasta) and three rats (Praline, Melissa and Charlotte).

Apart from that, I'm tall, skinny, a computer geek, Capricorn, pagan, read Tarot, am intrigued by psychology, theology and astronomy, read too little, try to write fiction occasionally, eat too much chocolate, smoke, laugh easily, drive rather than use public transport, destroy my PC too often, spend too much money, use too many commas and write long sentences. Whatever spare time all that leaves me, I use to sleep. ;)

Psycho is the affectionate name I give to my ex-girlfriend, for the purposes of this blog. In no way is she psychotic, but rather a clinical psychologist who recently obtained the right to analyse people, help them discover the root of their problems and thus change their lives. How to describe her... hmmmm. OK, there's three ways:

Nice: Psycho is a wonderful person. She's kind, generous, funny and one of the most intelligent people I've ever met in my entire life. She has a million smiles, wonderful hair and is gorgeous. All of this, of course, is why I wanted to go out with her when I met her ten years ago! She loves to laugh, she has a playful, childish side to her personality and she loves cats. She lives just down the road from my flat, a location which encourages me to go and see her almost every day, since she has become pretty much my family these days.

Not so nice: Psycho is, deep down, a lovely person. Unfortunately, she hides this under so many layers of egotistical whining and depression that it's sometimes hard to see. She's still pretty much an adolescent in her head, and moans and complains like one. Imagine Ross from Friends and you have her in a nutshell (on bad days, not all the time): "Hi Psycho!", "*sigh* Hello *sigh*". She relies on me too much for virtually everything, but at least she's grateful for me being there. She lives just down the road, too, which basically means I have to go over there almost every night.

Neutral: In all reason, Psycho is a very, very nice person. She's just troubled - we don't need to go into why - and a little too dependant on me. She's incredibly generous and gorgeous and lovely, but often depressed and egotistical. Basically, she's still an adolescent - but that's changing. And she's my soul-mate, my family, my best (female) friend, my confidante and probably the only other person I know at this time who's crazy enough to watch all eight seasons of Friends three times in a row!

Scary Ross is my brother. He's not really my brother, by birth (although I have four of those), but he's my brother by way of being the most trustworthy, faithful, honorable and insane person I have ever known. Scary Ross keeps his promises. He doesn't lie unless it's necessary. I could trust him with my life, without thinking. Of course, when I got my life back, it'd be twisted and deranged... but I could trust him with it!

He's a Cancerian, you see. He loves mind games (in the fun, not malicious sense), is cynical, warped and deranged. He's bizarre, loads of fun, loves to zing people with sharp, quick-witted retorts, gets depressed too easily, bounces back quickly and watches way too many 80's TV series. Well, OK, so it's not possible to watch too many 80's TV series... but whatever.

Scary Ross is also, as far as I can see, the last bastion of knightly chivalry in the world. Everyone in France calls me an English gentleman because I open doors for ladies, walk on the road side of the pavement when accompanying a female and so on. Scary Ross makes me look like a macho scumbag, yet manages to do it naturally. I know no other person who is as chivalrous or honorable. Of course, he pays for it with the emotional torture that comes from being a knight. He's my reference, my grounding in reality, my family, my best (male) friend, my confidant and probably the only other person I know at this time who would understand the words 'poyt' and 'narf' and how to use them.